| Jun 15, 2008 |
| NOT in a good mood |
i feel like such a failure
i havent lost a single pound, and i'm still on the same weight as i was before
i've taken to using the rubber band method
i wear one against my wrist
basically when i think of food,
i snap it hard to punish myself
this is terrible, i wont lose weight in time for holidays
how can i wear bathers with this body?
fatfatfat jiggling everywhere
i hate this vicious cycle, i m losing control with everyday i stay at home
nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
then why cant i cut down my calorie intake!
my mom forced me to eat some vitamins yesterday
i spent the next hour resisting the urge to throw up
i wonder how many calories there are in vitamins?
i m focusing on how awesome everything will be once i am thin
but its killing me that i cant achieve it
pleasepleaseplease
i dont know how much longer i can take this feeling of being a complete fat failure
especially since i binged again
food: 2 apples, orange, almonds, a small bowl of chicken, rice and vegetables.
i read somewhere that almonds block fat absorption by your body
its 70cals per oz
drink: water
i m sorry to keep mentioning food in my posts, i know it might set some anas off
but its my way of keeping a food diary that no one i know in the real world will ever see
i think i m finally starting to realise how terrible it is to be so obssessive over your weight
i feel so alone
and i dont even have an ED
i m trapped in a vortex of my own self loathing and secrecy
and paradoxically, it seems the only way out is to lose weight
it just occurred to me that i am the biggest and fattest chick in my course at university
god, i hate myself so much right now |
posted by aphoony @ 7:05 PM  |
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This is a diary of my attempt at weight loss. I want to show that I am normal and happy with standard hobbies like shopping and partying. I could have an eating disorder, but it's not a problem. Its a lifestyle choice i am comfortable with. =) |
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