| May 31, 2008 |
| those jeans |
i bought a pair of sass and bide jeans recently in a size 27.
they fit, but are pretty tight so thats my first goal in this journey.
to properly fit those jeans!
then i want to eventually reach a size 25. wish me luck!
its so weird now that when i sleep on my side, i can feel my bones and they even hurt a little
but its a good hurt and i m happy.
i am worried about going to sydney soon with friends.
what if they notice?
and even worse, will i gain a lot of weight from the alcohol we re gonna be drinking?
they ll think it funny if i dont drink at all, im sure.
any ideas? |
posted by aphoony @ 11:43 PM  |
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| guilty |
i am so angry with myself,
today i ate so much
i even had some instant noodles
INSTANT NOODLES!
must be because exams are coming, and i am stressed
i threw up in the bathroom after,
but after 5 minutes or so i heard my mom coming up the stairs and freaked out.
so i stopped.
i still feel sick, not from the throwing up, but from the food i ate.
these two days have been bad, i kinda lost the plot a little bit, and ate more than i should have. had ice cream at T's place last night, its such a fine line between eating enough so nobody knows you are starving, but little enough so you dont feel guilty.
tomorrow i will fast to make up for it, but its hard to do so when staying with parents. i think they are trying to make me eat more. will update you on how successfully that goes!
i pray that when i wake up tomorrow i will have lost weight.
pleasepleaselease
food: this makes me depressed because i ate way way too much today
drink: tea |
| posted by aphoony @ 11:00 PM |
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| May 3, 2008 |
| e e cummings |
(a moon swims out of a cloud
a clock strikes midnight
a finger pulls a trigger
a bird flies into a mirror)
i love that last stanza of the poem!
its so annoying when you go to university like me and everyone notices when you skip lunch. and then they nag. might have to start telling them i m going to meet a friend for lunch and disappear for an hour or two.
actually isnt it funny? i've noticed that i've become a right bitch lately with the lack of food. does this happen to anyone else?
at least its exam period soon, so i can hide from university friends
but then i have parents to deal with
whom incidentally, i live with, and will notice if i m not eating.
i hate throwing up, so i will have to come up a plan soon.
food: some nuts, the inside filling (salmon and avocado) of a sushi
drink: water |
| posted by aphoony @ 11:35 PM |
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This is a diary of my attempt at weight loss. I want to show that I am normal and happy with standard hobbies like shopping and partying. I could have an eating disorder, but it's not a problem. Its a lifestyle choice i am comfortable with. =) |
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